Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
