I bet he comes in French.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
