I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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