I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
