I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
