Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
