Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
handjob tips. give me some.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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