i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
