I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
