we're blogging at a bar
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
