may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Randomize
