I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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