the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize