My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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