i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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