I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
