I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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