Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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