bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
