so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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