Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
