I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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