I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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