fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
