Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
