He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
