You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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