Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
