I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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