Non-Jews are for practice
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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