i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
