with your own penis?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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