I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
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Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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