thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
