It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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