Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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