I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
