A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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