I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
