Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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