If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
