Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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