I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
