My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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