I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
