separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
