Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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