If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
