I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
