I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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