she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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