i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
