you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
