do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Randomize
