she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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