There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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