I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
