Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
