I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize