There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
