You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
