1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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