im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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