i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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