I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
