She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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