She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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