It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
