They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
