I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
