I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
In America we eat man semen.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
