Your face is a jimmy john
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
