Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
