is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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