There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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