I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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