Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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