It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
