meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
